My heart - that thing that beats and loves and breaks

I can't believe I have been here for three and a half weeks already! In some ways it feels like just a few days, and in other ways it feels like I've been here three months.

My heart is certainly getting a workout. I joked before leaving about the struggle to not bring orphans home with me, but I had no idea how hard it would actually be! I have so much love for every single one of these precious kids - both the babies at the nursery and the kids I meet in the villages. If I ever doubted my calling to missions, I certainly don't now. I am SO happy and SO fulfilled just to love and serve the people here.

We went on home visits yesterday, where we visit families in the villages and bring them some supplies like salt, sugar, and soap and also just sit and talk with them. I absolutely love doing home visits - I could do them every day! One of the families we visited was made up of three children and a father. The mother died three years ago and the father provided for the children, but he wasn't really around to care for them. The oldest girl, Erin (15,) cared for herself and her two younger brothers, Edwin (12) and Edward (9.) She had such a quiet strength about her, like she had seen and been through more than she ever should have, yet she still had a flicker of innocence and a glimmer of hope in her eyes. Even though we couldn't directly talk to each other, I felt like we connected just by sitting together on the dirt floor of their home. I understood the sense of responsibility she felt for her siblings, and the importance she placed on caring for them, because it's the same way I feel about my brother and sisters - I've just never had to take care of them without electricity, without water, without beds, without food, and without a mother. I just wanted to sit with her for hours, talk with her, and hug her, and give her any comfort and encouragement I could, but I knew that I had to leave. Thankfully God is bigger than me, and I know He is watching out for Erin and her family. My heart is just a little raw.

There are three babies at the nursery who have completely stolen my heart. There is a set of twin girls, Jessie and Jestina, and another little girl named Tia. I guess they're around nine months to a year old. They are absolutely the sweetest babies ever! I love holding them, talking to them, enjoying their smiles, and wiping their tears. I wish I could cuddle them for hours and never have to let them go!

My sensitive, motherly heart can't take much more of this. I would never trade the experiences I have had here or the love that I have shared and received for anything. ANYTHING. I just wish I could bring them all home with me!