27 days

27 days til I leave for Malawi! By the grace of God, I'm taking care of details.

I'm feeling like a slacker

All of my friends are starting blogs and it's making me feel like a slacker for not posting more often on my own.

So here we go.

I really don't like details. I am such a big picture person. That's why I chose Heritage over IDS. That's why I can help Megan plan her life, but can't remember to put a liner in the trash can.  That's why I'm going to Malawi, but don't want to plan this trip. I don't want to mail out support letters, I don't want to get my paperwork notarized, I don't want to make an appointment at the doctor for vaccines, I don't want to bother with credit cards and money and booking plane tickets. I just want to GO. I need a personal assistant to handle all of this planning.

I am now accepting applications for the position.

Meanwhile, I'll be tending to details.

Nature Musing

Life has been tough lately. I have felt pushed and shoved and hurried and beaten down at every turn.   I’ve hardly had a chance to eat or sleep, let alone sit and muse about nature. Nevertheless, tonight I found myself a bench in the Bowl and sat there for awhile, letting my mind wander. 

The symphony of crickets and cicadas combined with the rustling leaves overhead formed a soundtrack for the evening.  Stalwart trees formed a protective shield around me and allowed me to let my guard down and rest.  Deeply, I breathed in air scented with wisteria, dirt, grass, and leftover rain.  I kicked off my flip flops and ran my toes through the silky soil beneath the bench.  I absentmindedly drew patterns in the dirt until my toes found a patch of velveteen grass and lingered there awhile. A breeze blew and a single leaf drifted casually to the ground. I closed my eyes and soaked it in.

I realized how preoccupied  I have been. I realized how misdirected my attentions have been.  I have been so focused on taking tests and writing papers that I have completely ignored the wonder of nature all around me.  I was dumbfounded to consider that every atom has to be perfectly arranged to form molecules which must be exactly placed to form cells which must be precisely designed to function in just the right way to make up every living thing. The fact that there is air that can be moved that can bend the hairs on my skin that can send signals to my brain that can allow me to feel the breeze blowing against my arms astounds me.  The fact that my heart is beating and my muscles are contracting and my nerves are firing all without my conscious effort leaves me speechless.

All of these thoughts swarmed through my head as I pondered the infinite majesty of God, who can keep electrons circling nuclei and the earth circling the sun.  He does not only orchestrate the entire universe to function, but to be beautiful and awe-inspiring as well! He has not only created the grandeur of a sunset, but has created our eyes to see it! It was in that moment, sitting in the Bowl by myself, under the few stars beginning to flicker in the sky, that I began to fully understand what the psalmist meant in Psalm 19:1 – “The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands.” It was in that moment that my priorities were straightened out and my soul was renewed.

Thanks Dr. Hendrixson;  nature musing did me a world of good.

Sometimes I wonder...

...about old books.

What is it 

about a book 

crumbling in your hand 

that makes you suddenly feel like

you are 

standing on holy ground? 

You pause, 

staring at the bits of dust 

lying there in your hand;

bits of time, 

bits of history,

bits of knowledge, 

shivering there 

in your hand. 

You feel as though 

you hold something 

divine 

and you stand there 

staring.

And you brush your hands together 

and 

it's 

gone.

Something lighter

I realized I've been posting some pretty weighty topics lately, and I wanted to lighten things up.  I have been assigned to write a list of  "10 things I love about Jackson." Here is my working list as of now, with explanations to come (once I have finished studying for my exams.)

Hospitals

Lemuria

FOOD

Reservoir

Diversity

Weather

Riverside Dr.

Fondren

Coffeeshops

Downtown

If you have anything you'd like to add, let me know! This is a work in progress! 

Treasures

"Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroy and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." - Matthew 6:19-24

I heard this verse taught this evening at MCF, and it struck me in ways that it never has before. I guess that could be proof that the Bible is living and active, eh? :)

Our treasures are our desires, those things we really want.  What is it you really want? Or in a more pointed question, what bugs you the most when you can't have it?  The answers to these questions are your true desires.  How convicted I was when I realized that the things I treasured most in this life were things like

grades,

sleep,

and recognition. 

How insignificant these things seem when written out, but they are some of my most apparent desires; I get frustrated and stressed out when I can't make the grades I want,  I get annoyed when my alarm goes off every morning, and I am deeply offended if I feel like I am ever not receiving the recognition I earned.

How small-minded of me.

What was even more humbling was when I realized that I get more frustrated when I make a B rather than an A than I do when I "miss" God by neglecting Bible study or prayer. Have I really made grades more important than God?

How idiotic of me.

The world is not working in our favor. It is so very very easy to let school, realtionships, money, and pleasure take precedence in our lives, and to keep God on a back burner... treating our relationship with Him like a pot we only tend when it starts to scorch. (Cooking analogy, bear with me.)


In the grand scheme of things, grades don't matter. Sleep doesn't matter. Recognition doesn't matter. Relationship statuses don't matter.  Plans don't matter. Anything in this life doesn't REALLY matter. 


How CAN anything seem like a big deal when compared with the fact that the

perfect, holy, God of the universe

loved us enough to send His perfect, blameless Son

to die an awful death

and to suffer the condemnation and abandonment we deserve

 just so that we could have the opportunity to be in a

relationship with Him again.



Jesus called us to a life of black and white - we cannot serve two masters.

I pray that I will treasure God and my relationship with Him as much as I treasure my grades.

Conviction

Being convicted of something you've done wrong

hurts.


It hurts to realize you were (or are) wrong.

It hurts to realize you have hurt someone else.

It hurts to change your pattern of living.

It hurts to let others know your failings.

It hurts.


But God heals.

(Read the lyrics to "Come Ye Sinners")


When we are convicted of our failings...

...God heals our relationship with Himself because we are able to realize just how dependent on Him we are and how much He loves us.

...God heals our relationship with others because we can now quit trying to compare ourselves to them - either looking for their faults compared to ours, or measuring ourselves up to someone else's unintentional standard.

...God heals our relationship with ourselves. We can quit beating ourselves up trying to keep up an appearance of perfection and instead

breathe in a deep breath of His pure freedom!

(Read Romans 8:3-14 from The Message)


Good morning, life! It's a beautiful morning!